Fall Introspection

Hey all, I've been a bit absent on the digital realm. After a really hectic past few months, the thing my body has been asking for is introspection and withdrawal. A lot of things are brewing and many dreams are gestating at CBDiabla world, so things will come in time.

For the past month, I've gone around three days on average not checking Instagram at a time. When I do, I try to just check my inbox and reply to messages, and see a few stories from my friends. However, sometimes I do get pulled into its vortex, and honestly, most of the time I get a really bad taste in my mouth from it. When I was more consistently online there, I felt a big urge to be paying attention and participating. Both to be in the know about friends' lives and world events, as well as to feel like I was making some sort of "progress" in my DJ career.

Regarding world events, I realized that being in the know about every bad thing that is happening in the world is usually not beneficial. My mind becomes scattered, I switch to a doomer mentality and I lose motivation to act. Now, I'm trying to get my information from newsletters and better yet, by having connections with people over the world who I am in solidarity with and where we exchange knowledge from our lived experiences. And in the meantime, I am trying to remain focused on where I want to make a difference.

Regarding the DJ/artist career, I've realized that time spent on social media is usually a waste of time. I'm not gonna say I haven't made connections or landed opportunities because of Instagram, but 90% of the time I just end up comparing myself to my peers in toxic and detrimental ways. This is time which can be used to deepen my practice and create. I've found a much more healthy balance in being strategic with my social media posting, using it as a notice board, while I put the importance into the reality in front of me.

The thing that has been difficult however, is keeping up with friends. My choice of not being constantly online means that I miss out on some of the things they share. Even though my mental health is more stable thanks to this decision, I still feel like I am ostracizing myself from others. This challenge has been an opportunity for growth, as it has forced me to be more intentional and just text them to ask about their lives, send some random memes, or share something that excites me with them.

Instead of picking up the megaphone to compete for people's attention on Instagram, I have to make a conscious decision to decide who to message and what for. I've found it humbling and vulnerable, specially after getting used to receiving likes and attention just for doing a low effort story or repost. But I'm slowly gaining confidence on following this commitment to myself, as I feel like my connections are slowly becoming richer because of it.

So what's been going on in my world? I've been rethinking my routine and how to keep myself motivated and accountable despite AuDHD struggles. I'm back at the gym and enjoying it immensely. I'm also starting with somatic and EMDR therapy, which has been challenging but also has allowed me to make so much progress in my healing. I've been learning to read the Tzolk'in (mayan calendar), which is reprogramming my conception of time and giving me an insanely powerful and fun horoscope tool. I've been replaying Elden Ring, watching Mad Men, and slowly getting back into reading again. And I've spent time trying to make making music fun again.

I'll have more exciting things coming soon, but meanwhile, here are the latest CBDiabla updates. Thanks for reading! :)

Secret Level

The last two Secret Level episodes have been really meaningful to me. These guests have been big inspirations, so the fact that they were excited to participate in the show was super inspiring.

First is Geng PTP, a pillar of NYC's music world thanks to his approach to community building and to sound as a means to open dialogue and connect. His mix is a selection of PC-Engine (Turbografx-16) gems, spiced up with his signature "slowness is the vehicle" treatment. Peace!

Next up is ONY, who was one of the first artists who I saw putting videogame music in his mixes as an overt and important reference. His mix is full of tracks that have tugged at my heartstrings and which have accompanied me in many beautiful fall walks and sunsets. It's very Final Fantasy X coded, which just adds the secret ingredient to make this such a banger.

Gigs

I also had a pretty special gig for Thee Baile, where I shared stage with Tee (the event promoter), and Kebra, friend, mentor and inspiration that continues to shake the underground music world with her project Desculonización. The night was fun from start to finish, and I am grateful to have been able to share this energy with everyone present.